After an appointment that was 2 hours long with more personal questions and crying than I ever thought possible, the physiatrist described BPD. Apparently I fit into a sub category of emotionally unstable personality disorder but it’s BPD. I couldn’t belive it, it was me to a T.
So to finally put a name to it was a relief and to be given a treatment plan that will help and support me feels amazing. Now to wait for it to all actually help is the bit that sucks. I hope it doesn’t take too long!! So getting assigned a therapist and possible CBT therapy … fingers crossed it all works.
My relationship with my family is being affected at the moment. You can know it is and be contious of it and you would think that would help with the controlling of the emotions and being more self aware but it doesn’t. In fact I think it makes it worse knowing you shouldn’t be shouting, stressing or crying but you still do it and then you over analyse and feel like crap because of how your acting, which spins you out and makes you angry and sad. Sounds draining doesn’t it … that’s because it is.
I’ve tried Googling for support but can’t find anything. Theres lots of information about BPD and how you should avoid possible situations or triggers – no shit sherlock! I mean seriously in order to do that I’d need to avoid life completely and live in a room by myself and not interact with anyone other than puppies and other cute animals, or animals in general. I find them less stressful than people but I do love my family and job so I need to learn to manage all of this again.
I’m hoping doing this can help and help others along the way.
BPD and managing life! 